A year of "No"... Just saying "no" sounds like a dream, huh? Imagine if you said "no" to family events you didn't want to go to; "no" to going out with friends when you could just stay home, on the couch, in your pajamas; "no" to going out with colleagues you just can't stand; or "no" to going to dinner over at your partner's parents house every Sunday night (I have never done that, by the way! My partner's parents are pretty great). A full year of "no" sounds like a dream, but it can be a reality. I'm here to share my experience of having a "no" year, and what the benefits can look like for you!
Now, don't get me wrong... A year of "yes" is beneficial too. Having a "yes" year can lead to daring and fun things you never thought were possible. A year of "yes" can help bring happiness and help you find a part of you, you never knew existed. Well, a year of "no" can help do the same. Sometimes you don't have to be brave and try new things with a year of "yes". Sometimes you can be brave and stand up for yourself with a year of "no". Sometimes, you just want to do what is best for you. It sounds selfish, but in reality, it's not. You are constantly going to be with yourself. You have hopes, dreams, and fears- just like the next guy, just like your family, and just like your friends. Life happens so quickly. Time passes by and sometimes, you just want to sit back and relax. That... Is... Okay.
For those of you who don't know: I decided that 2022 was going to be a year of "no". And so far, I love it. I have always struggled with being empathetic towards friends and family. I felt like saying "no" meant I was crushing their hearts into a million pieces. I felt I was required to do things or go places for people I care about to show I care for them. I'm emotional for my loved ones and wear my heart on my sleeves. All of my life, it has been hard saying the little, two-lettered word... But one day, I realized that I don't have to do everything or go anywhere, even though my loved ones asked me to. It doesn't mean I don't love my friends and family. It means I have a life, too. Not everything can revolve around your friends and family. This is your life and it is time you spent your time and energy on the one person that will be there in your life from birth to death: You.
It is not wrong to say "no" when all you want to do is sit on the couch. Time passes too quickly and before we know it, we're older than when we said "We have time". Time passes too quickly that we forget how to enjoy ourselves when we have been so focused on serving everyone else. Saying "no" lets you do all the things you want to do. At first, you feel shitty. You feel like you let your loved ones down when you say "no". But you shouldn't feel that way and they shouldn't make you feel that way. If they love you, they'll respect your wishes. If they don't, it's sad but it is not the end of the world. The world is still turning and you're still breathing, so do what you want.
I have actually had a great year, so far. I have been saying "no" when I want to. I have actually had time for the projects I want to do. I started a blog and many ideas for future posts. I have made it easier for myself to focus more on my school works. I even have started writing a children's book! Let's be honest, we all have those occasions and events we dread. Well, guess what: You don't have to do them. Nothing is requiring or forcing you to be there. So, why kick ourselves and drag our feet for something we don't want to do? We have all have lives to live and dreams to make a reality. Saying "no" helps build self-confidence and perseverance we never thought we had. There is nothing wrong with that. And if you think your friends and family will hate you? If they're really your loved ones, they will be fine. If the pandemic has taught us anything is that life is too short. You may also think that you are obliged to be at every event and occasion because you love them, you don't. Most people don't realize, but your health (mentally and physically) should be important for you. Saying "no" will let you realize that you are not obligated to do anything. You just need to love, and you shall be loved. Not only does that mean being loved by others around you, but also means being loved by yourself.
Now, I'm not saying "say no to EVERYTHING". You're all individuals who can make up your own mind. But I do think we feel guilty when we say no. We feel guilty when we put ourselves first over our loved ones. I can relate to that... It's time to stop feeling guilty. It's time to speak up and think for ourselves. Honestly, if you're not feeling up to going to events or functions for loved ones- the best thing you can do is not go because your energy should want to be there. It's not fair to you or them to be somewhere you do not want to be. Your loved ones may not like it, but they will be fine. Trust me, they will live.
In conclusion, having a "no" year can help save your time and energy for something you actually want to do; it will build your confidence to know it is okay; AND it will save you the dreadful moments of cussing in your car as you stroll your way (most likely in traffic) to an event or occasion you're not interested in going to! Let's make celebrating "No" Years a thing and normalize that we should not feel guilty or ashamed when we say "no". It's okay.
Ending note: It's also okay to say "no" to everything I just said. That was the point of this whole blog: To realize you don't have to say "yes" to everything. Time is short. Live for you. Live for happiness. Let's have a HAPPY NO YEAR! Or not... Your choice!
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